i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
