he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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