you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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