After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
