sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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