The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hippo gnu deer
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
