I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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