Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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