I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We just shotgunned beers for America
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
