You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
