why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
