When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
