Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
