I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
