first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
