Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
