I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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