So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
