I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
