He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
