you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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