I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
