I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
