I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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