All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
