one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
