We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
