I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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