I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
