She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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