You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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