I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
