What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
