we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
