so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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