Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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