I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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