my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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