Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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