What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
