Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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