so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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