Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
