the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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