Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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