Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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