dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
