You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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