i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
