4 words: hood of his car
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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