On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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