Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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