You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
