i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
