I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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