i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
