Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
