so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
