I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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