No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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