Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
