I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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