I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
True college students do jello shots in the library
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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