She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I got her a Nickelback box set.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
