Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
