I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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