Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I got inside last night via doggy door
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
