as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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