did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
