I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
