i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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