Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
