Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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