Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
