fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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