I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want to fling myself into the sun
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
